Share a Joke :)

Hi everyone,

Please share some jokes with us...i'll start off with one of my favourites but it works better with your mates, so if your at a bar with friends say Jack, John & Tom (u wanna take the piss out of Tom) here goes;

They all die in a car crash. Jack wakes up in a sealed room with only a bed...the wall opens up & an old ugly woman enters after which a powerful voice begins to say: "Jack, for all the sins you committed you will spend eternity in this room with her!" Jack collapses in grief!

John wakes up in a similar room, wall opens & another old, ugly person walks in before the same voice repeats: "John, for all the sins you committed you will spend eternity in this room with her!" Jack collapses in grief!

Tom finally wakes up in a sealed room, wall opens & Scarlett Johansson enters after which the same powerful voice say's: "Scarlett, for all the sins you committed you will spend eternity in this room with him" Poor Scarlett collapses in eternal grief.

Hope you liked it

What's 12 inches long, has a purple head, and makes chicks scream??






Crib death.

How do you know when your sister's on her period?






Dad's cock tastes funny.

I got a great knock knock joke, you gotta start me off tho

Police Officer "How high are you"






Smoker "No officer, its "Hi, how are you"

Why did the stoner cross the road?

Because the grass is greener on the other side!





.

I've shared this before but it still makes me smile


My 9 year old kid told me this one

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?





Roberto

What is the only living organ in a dead girl?
My dick

whats worse than a male chauvinist pig ?



a woman that wont do , as she is told .

two nuns walk into a bar

ouch that must have hurt

what do u call fish with no eyes?




fsh

What do you call a dwarf eskimo with a hard-on
Frigid Midget With A Rigid Digit.

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do ye want me to do, call a lifeguard?

How tasteful does the joke have to be.

Like, What do they do with foreskins after circumcision?

I don;t want to answer if someone is going to cry about it.

They sell to gays for chewing gum.

whitebb2727 said:

How tasteful does the joke have to be.

Like, What do they do with foreskins after circumcision?

I don;t want to answer if someone is going to cry about it.

Click to expand...

Don't be a SCHMUK & just post what you thinks funny! . Excuse the pun but I hope you get it lol

My favorite.

Bear and rabbit in the woods.
Bear asks rabbit if he has a problem with shit sticking to his fur.
Rabbit says no.
Bear picks rabbit up and wipes his ass.

A stoner just bought some good shit. After smoking some he thinks "best hide the rest of the stash...ok behind the TV", so he walks to the TV then thinks for a good minute "hang on, if the cops come to the door they'll ask me (have you got weed?) i'll say no, then they might ask (what about behind the TV?) & then im fucked!". So better under the bed, he walks up to his bed then thinks again for a minute "hang on, if the cops come & ask (u got any weed on the premises?), ill say no then (& behind the TV?) ill say no but then they might ask (what about under the bed?) & then im fucked!". So he walks up to a drawer in the bathroom but then thinks again for a minute "hang on, if the cops come to the door & ask (any weed in the house?), ill say no & if they ask (behind the TV?) ill just say no again, if they suspect its under the bed then again I can easily just say no...but what if they ask about the bathroom?" he thinks a bit longer..."Oh shit, where did I hide that stash?"

Q-Whats the difference between potheads & politicians?
A-Politicians dont inhale, they just suck!

Q-What do ye call a pothead that doesnt inhale?
A-a Mr. President!

Q: Why did the Hedgehog cross the road?
A: To see his flat mate!

Q: Why did the orange use suntan lotion?
A: It started to peel!