Share a Joke :)

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old cowboy. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this fucking badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologised, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your fuckingg BADGE........ ! !" LOL

-whats the word for 3 potheads sharing a bowl?
-malnutrition!

LOL

Q: Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.

What do you call a mexican girl with no arms or legs?

Cuntswaylow.

A man goes to the doctor and says: 'Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.' The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.

The man asks: 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies: 'I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg

You and I are driving in a car together on our way to a cannabis growers convention. An 18 wheeler crosses the center line and we are both instantly killed. We wake up in hell...we look around and you say to me we have to find the devil and find out what it would take to get paroled out of here and go to heaven...

We locate the devil and ask about leaving. The devil says if either of you guys will fuck the ugliest girl down here, and make her come...you can both leave...we discuss it together and you say you'll do it since you fucked more girls in your life than I did...

The devil hooks you up with the ugliest, dirtiest, filthiest girl in hell...you are startled...but you start banging away and are fucking her for all you're worth...

Then, you look over to me and see I'm eating Marilyn Monroe. You ask the devil why you have to fuck this ugly, vile bitch while I get to go down on Marilyn Monroe...

The devil says, "Marilyn wants to leave here too."

Whts the difference between a microwave and anal sex?

Microwave won't brown the meat.

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?








None, they just beat the room for being black

How do u get a nun pregnant?











Have an altar boy shit in her cooch

Q: what’s the number one cause of child molestation?

A: Sexy kids


Q: how do you get your neighbours kids to stop playing in your backyard?

A: Molest them.

Why can't Mexicans play uno?
They always go for the green card.

Whats the first thing a woman does when she exits a battered woman's home?
The dishes if she knows whats good for her.

What is green and smells like pork?
Kermit the Frog's penis.

How do "white" fairy tales start?
Once Upon a Time.
How do "black" fairy tales start?
Nigga, you ain't gonna believe this!

What's worse than eight dead babies in a garbage can?

One dead baby in eight garbage cans.

A women is in labour and is shouting and screaming as usual, "Get me this, give me drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me fucker!" Her boyfriend replied casually, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said it'd be too painful."

Why don't you ever see black people on cruises.

Pft, they're not falling for that shit again.

Finshaggy.

What's grosser than a hickey on a hemroid?

The girl who put it there.

Question: What is the divine purpose for every woman?

Average Male Answer: To be a life support system for a pussy.

How do you think the unthinkable?










With an ithberg

How do you find will smith in the snow?








Look for the fresh prints

Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors?









Because if they had 4, theyd be chicken sedans